Adjusting to motherhood | The first 4 weeks || Baby Diaries

This past month has been a kaleidoscope of emotions. On one hand, I have felt more love than ever before, both for my new born daughter and for my husband, and on the other, there has been more fear, anxiety, exhaustion and a few tears. Where on the odd occasion I have held my baby in my arms as I cried out of frustration. It's funny how time works as the last month has felt both long and short. Each day has felt long, as I have waited for bed time or Chris to come home from work, but the month itself has gone quickly when I look back.

Week 1

The first few days while we were still in hospital was such an intense learning curve. I knew a fair bit about babies in theory before having one of my own, whilst not having actually handled any so new. The hospital midwives were excellent and taught me so many lessons and techniques and corrected wrong assumptions I had picked up along the way. It was a blur of day-time naps, hand expressing, soothing, changing and very occasionally getting a moment to reflect on it all, and on how much things can change in an instant.

After four days we brought her home which was so incredibly intimidating. I had become comfortable with looking after her, while knowing that knowledgeable and friendly support was at hand 24/7, but now it was all down to us. We tried to put the structure and systems we had learned in the hospital into place in our home straight away, as we knew these things worked. We settled into a routine and Chris slowly adapted to sleeping in the same room with a wriggly, snuffling, snoring newborn. He ended up opting for an eye mask and ear plugs, while I would check on her after every little noise to make sure all was a-okay. We made a feeding/changing/pumping diary to track her schedules since every time we saw a midwife or doctor they instantly asked how many wet/dirty nappies or feeds she had had, and on only a few hours sleep that sort of information disappears into thin air unless it is written down. She put on weight in her first week and was up to 3kgs at her first weigh-in.

Coming home gave me a good dose of anxiety, where I was so paranoid about breaking her, or SIDS that I couldn't relax enough to enjoy the journey most of the time. Although there were moments when she was sleeping safely in one of our arms that I could soak it all in and I could have looked at her and snuggled all day.

Week 2

We felt like we were getting the hang of things early on in week two, breast feeding was starting to get easier and we weren't startling at every noise she made while sleeping. Until she started spitting up, coughing, grunting and on occasion power chucking on us or the wall next to her bassinet. We ended up taking her to the doctors to get check-up just in case. He checked her and confirmed that she was a perfectly happy and healthy baby, but was having a hard time keeping her food in her tummy while lying flat. So we inclined her bassinet mattress a small amount and tried our very best not to "over feed" her. Which is a hard task when she is demanding way more food than her little body can handle. With these small adjustments she started sleeping much more soundly, with less sound effects. She is regularly sleeping 4 -5 hours during the day and night which I hear is not the case for most newborns. Our record for feeding, burping, changing and settling her is 45mins but it can often take 1-2 hours due to her being so alert after her long nap. Motherhood is sometimes a funny paradox. As when she is awake and content after her feed I'm hyper aware that she needs her sleep and I try anything to get her there, while shortly after we lay her down in her bassinet I start missing her and look forward to our next cuddle.

Her skin is still a bit dry and flakey from being in the womb for longer than necessary (41 weeks), but we are putting coconut oil on her at change times and it seems to be getting better. We also cut her finger nails as she was scratching us and herself with those sharp talons. This was nerve wracking for me, so we waiting until she was blissed-out on on milk and while I held her, Chris did the tricky task of cutting those little suckers which she didn't notice one bit (good job Dad). She continued to put on weight in her second week, weighing 3.2kgs at her second weigh-in, having put on 340g since birth.

We went on her first "outing" to the park down the road and to get some food items from the local shop. She slept the whole time. This was about the extent of what my new-mummy nerves could handle and I was exhausted by the time we got home, but it was a good test to see how our new capsule-stroller works and the things we might need when heading outside in future.

So far I have not had any "baby blues". Yes, I have had a little cry here and there out of frustration at not being able to feed her fast enough or get her to sleep, but this has been fleeting. I think a big reason for my good emotional state is because I have felt so supported by Chris during this changing time in our lives. He is very supportive and complementary of my mothering and efforts, and I feel it makes a world of difference to my out-look. Speaking of Chris's efforts it has surprised me how much more I appreciate him now (not that I didn't before), but seeing him look after and love our daughter adds a whole new level to the love I feel for him. I get butterflies and sometimes teary eyes seeing him interact with her. He is an amazing Father.

Week 3

Chris had a car event this weekend and went back to work this week, which was hard and scary for me to be alone with a newborn baby, but also hard for him to be away from us. Fortunately once she is asleep I can get a lot done in 4 hours so we have been managing okay, but I am still too concerned about her well-being to shower while I am alone and have not managed to take her outside myself yet but that is mainly due to my own paranoid and mind-set, but it does sometimes feel like something always gets in the way.

We have been "mixed-feeding" where I have been expressing breast milk to feed from a bottle as well as breast feeding. I use a nipple shield and have been trying to introduce the breast more at every feed, as I can now stand to feed for longer and she has a better latch. Although now that she is used to the speed at with my expressed milk comes out of the bottle, when she is really hungry she will sometimes get frustrated at the boob and pull away crying, so we are trying to figure that part out. It's a process but we will get there in time. She continued to put on another 250 grams this week. Which makes me a very happy mummy.

Week 4

We are starting to get the hang of this breast feeding business. She is latching well and I can manage to feed for for 15-20mins stretches on each boob before it gets too sore (no cracked nipples yet). We had a lactation consultation where she suggested some minor adjustments and our plans for the future, to wean us off the pump and nipple shield gradually as she gets bigger.

Hazel still sleeps for 4-5hours most stretches but has been getting a sore tummy (lots of gas) which can make her hard to settle. She has also become accustomed to falling asleep while we are holding her (as we like to get all the cuddles we can get) so we are trying to break this habit and have her fall asleep more often in her bassinet. She is doing quite well at this, although sometimes it takes a few goes. As new parents, we are getting better at recognising her "tired signs" rather than just cooing at her cute little expressions. This means we can put her down to sleep easier before she becomes over-tired. Which is the only times I have been in tears with her, after missing these signs, having her become over stimulated and over-tired and trying to get her to sleep for 2 hours and not knowing how to fix it.

She is eating way more this week, she will often spend 10-15mins on each boob and then takes another 100mls from the bottle. I know my milk flow is quite fast so I imagine she is getting quite a bit from me.

She is focusing on our faces more and is very alert. Her eyes are lightening and look like they are  turning a shade of blue. They have lightened the most near the pupil but we will have to wait and see if that continues. It's also hard to get a good photo to reflect these changes. Her dry skin is mostly gone but it has now been replaced with "baby acne" which has started appearing on her cheeks and forehead. This is not a major concern and doesn't bother her, it should fade over the next few weeks.

This month has been full of changes which is why I wanted to break it down into development over the weeks. Her weight, eating and sleeping have all been getting progressively better and her little face and expressions is constantly changing. 

Since birth she has put on a substantial amount of weight every week but we haven't measured her length yet. As that will happen at her 6 weeks Plunket appointment. She has grown into fitting her "Newborn 0000" clothes really well.

Postpartum Update

My recovery is going really well in my option. My uterus contractions are not hurting me anymore, but my stomach is still shrinking. I was getting some strong aches and pains as it contracted in the first couple of weeks, so I'm pleased that has ended. My stitches have healed and so using the bathroom again like normal, although I am still bleeding, it's nothing more than a normal light period. My mood is very stable. I think any emotional days that I do have are determined by the lack of sleep I get the night before as opposed to hormones. The majority of the time I feel back to my normal self and am looking forward to becoming more active in another week or two.